Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
