why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
