hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
