Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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