Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
