I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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