I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
