theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
