We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
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