Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
