i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
