did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
