He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
