I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
