trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
