woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
