new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
