So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
