i dont even know how to be here
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
