How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
