theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize