Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
