Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
