I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize