We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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