she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
