Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize