And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
