allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
