I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
