He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
