My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
