I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
