This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if i died would you start the facebook group?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
