My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
