The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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