her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
