What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
