I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
