I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
do herpes really smell.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You ate ashes out of my bong
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
