is your mom at the bar?
Screwed.edu
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
