I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
