what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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