he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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