margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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