just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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