You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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