No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
