Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
