just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
