she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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