OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my being single is dangerous.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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