Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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