dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
