So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
