it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize