God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
