Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize