I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
