so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
