I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
