Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize