I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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